Murphy’s Law for Mommies

1. Want to have some company….just go to the bathroom. The phone and doorbell will both ring and one of your children will barge in.
2. If that doesn’t work, plan a day alone….people will call, come by and you may even get invitations to go do things.
3. If you are still lonely, plan a day alone with your husband. That should do the trick….especially if you end up in the bedroom. Someone will SURELY come by to interrupt that!!
4. Feel like your kids are ignoring you? Just try to clean something. As you make the bed, they will pile on it taking pillow cases off the pillows, letting dogs in who will then take their turn “helping” and pee on your nice clean bed spread. (THIS REALLY HAPPENED!)
5. Think your children don’t play with their toys enough…just try to sort them out. As you sort and create piles of things to throw away, the toys will magically become brand new, wonderfully fascinating and irreplaceable. (You won’t get to get rid of anything, but the toys will get used again! This works with clothes too.)
6. Want your kids to sit down and be quiet? Try watching something inappropriate for them. They will automatically sit down and stare at the screen and soak up every word and image you do NOT want them to.
7. Want your children to dress nicer? Just tell them you’re going to make mud pies in the backyard. They will come out wearing their Sunday best!
8. If you have picky eaters and want them to eat their veggies, make only enough for the adults in the house. The kids will eat them all up leaving you with the hotdogs and potato chips.
9. To get your kids to get more exercise, get them dressed to go to church first. While you get dressed, they will run outside and play as hard as they can so until they are sweaty, their clothes are ripped and they stink to high heaven.
10. Finally, if you want your kids to sit down at the table, just try playing a board game too complicated for kids with YOUR friends. Your kids will be in your lap watching and sabotaging your every move.

Happy Friday Everyone!!!

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Calling ALL Villagers!!!

We joke about it. We complain about it. Everyone KNOWS it’s happening, but no one seems to realize that this is what is wrong with our society. We are too dang busy and everyone thinks we all need to have double income families and all the things money can buy. Let me tell you what money cannot and does not buy. It does not buy memories or time we’ve missed with our loved ones. It does not buy back the opportunities we pass up because we have something “better” to do.

I know many people get reflective after a loved one passes, but this is not a new feeling for me. This is really my life’s purpose; looking to create memories for my children and teach them to cherish those memories. When I was a child, I spent weeks not just days with Grandparents and cousins. We had cookouts and get-togethers and traditions that were mandatory for family….not optional. As a teenager, I may have resisted that once or twice, but even then, I took a great deal of comfort in knowing that I had a large number of people to turn to, to count on.

I once heard a story about a band of young elephants that were invading a village and killing off the people. This was very unusual so people began to study it to try and figure out why it was happening. It was happening because the elder elephants had been killed off by hunters. The only way to teach the younger generation was to reintroduce older elephants back into the herds. The elders taught the younger ones respect and how to “behave”. It was what had to happen.

Now we already know as a society that we need our daddy’s to be involved, but what I lament right now is how so many other people just seem to put the responsibility of raising children strictly on the parents. If a child misbehaves, everyone judges the parents instead of trying to help. Whatever happened to the days when people just picked up someone else’s kids just because they enjoy spending time with them. My aunts and uncles did that with me. So did my grandparents, my music teacher, my pastor and his wife….the list goes on and on.

WE parents struggle because it feels like we are doing this all by ourselves. Gone are the days where grandma lived in our house and we could count on that extra pair of loving arms to help with the babies. Now she’s off “doing her thing” or is unable or unwilling to help. Siblings live too far apart or every adult in the family works 24/7. If you stay home with your kids, people stop inviting you places….”because you have the kids”. People stop just dropping by…”because the kids might be napping.” They forget that WE NEED YOU!!! We need each other. The kids need to have more adults around to be examples. Mom’s and Dad’s need more adults around to help us feel human again…not just like servants to the demanding little beings that have invaded our homes.

I feel like one of the SUPER lucky ones most of the time. I have super loving friends, in-laws and step-kids who work to keep the ties strong. Still, I am saddened that my own brother lives 100 miles away and doesn’t try to steal my children….and I really do wish he would. He would be the perfect person to teach them how to fish.

I call on you now Villagers. Think about your loved ones. Think of your nieces, nephews, grandkids, cousins, friends…whomever it might be….steal them for the day. Take them to the movies or just go hang out at their house to be that extra pair of arms. It really does mean the world to them….and their parents.

Ah….young love

I recently spent some time with a wonderful young person who is madly in love with her current beau. She is only 19 and thinks the two of them should wed. I listen to her arguments and think, “Wow! That was me 20 years ago!” So maybe this has been done before, but I would like to now dispel a few myths about marriage. Do not mistake my statements for synicism. I love marriage and cannot see myself as a single person trying to make my way through life alone. However, I really do wish someone would have been able to tell me these things and I could have really heard them.

Myth #1 – You have your best friend beside you to be there for you through thick and through thin.

Reality: You have your best friend beside you….except when they are working…or you’re working…or you’re sick and they can’t handle it….or you’re sick and have to go to the doctor….or they are exhausted and pass out on you on the only night you have with them.

Myth #2 – You’ll raise your children together taking turns taking care of them in a kind and loving way.

Reality: You….and your child (or children) will barely survive the first year of their lives. You will really feel as though you are existing in a world of crying, screaming, poop and vomit. As they grow older, those things will slowly diminish and then reappear during their teenage years….if you’re lucky.

Myth #3 – You decide not to have kids to have that amazing double income no kids, carefree life with your true love. You see yourselves going out to parties in fabulous clothes and dancing and dining with the “beautiful people.”

Reality: The jobs you will find to support that kind of lifestyle often suck up all of your time and energy. You end up grabbing take out on the way home, skipping the gym, picking up drinks and passing out in the living room in your work clothes. When you do have time to go out, you’ll feel so pressured to “have a good time”, you end up drinking too much and passing out in your clothes in your living room in your party clothes…..hmmm….sound familiar.

Well, I could go on, but it seems my next reality is calling. It’s nice to think I have all night to drone on and on about the realities of marriage…but my three year old is fighting with her sister and I now have to go play referee. So not what I pictured.

Oh well. Good night all. Sleep well!

You might be a mom if….

– One of your favorite gifts from your husband is a lock on the bathroom door.
– if you understand the statement, “If there’s NO BLOOD, I don’t want to hear it!”
– if one of your most feared sounds is silence.
– if horrific screams no longer phase you.
– if you look up at the clock and think…”When was the last time they went to the bathroom?”
– If you understand that a clean bottom is FAR more important than a cute hairdo.

Have a Great Day!!