Great things about being over 40

1. I no longer apologize for having my own opinions.

2. I see wrinkles as wisdom creases or battle scars. 

3. The desire to go “party” still happens…..But quickly passes and the desire to sleep takes over…And that’s just fine with me. 

Advertisements

Murphy’s Law for Mommies

1. Want to have some company….just go to the bathroom. The phone and doorbell will both ring and one of your children will barge in.
2. If that doesn’t work, plan a day alone….people will call, come by and you may even get invitations to go do things.
3. If you are still lonely, plan a day alone with your husband. That should do the trick….especially if you end up in the bedroom. Someone will SURELY come by to interrupt that!!
4. Feel like your kids are ignoring you? Just try to clean something. As you make the bed, they will pile on it taking pillow cases off the pillows, letting dogs in who will then take their turn “helping” and pee on your nice clean bed spread. (THIS REALLY HAPPENED!)
5. Think your children don’t play with their toys enough…just try to sort them out. As you sort and create piles of things to throw away, the toys will magically become brand new, wonderfully fascinating and irreplaceable. (You won’t get to get rid of anything, but the toys will get used again! This works with clothes too.)
6. Want your kids to sit down and be quiet? Try watching something inappropriate for them. They will automatically sit down and stare at the screen and soak up every word and image you do NOT want them to.
7. Want your children to dress nicer? Just tell them you’re going to make mud pies in the backyard. They will come out wearing their Sunday best!
8. If you have picky eaters and want them to eat their veggies, make only enough for the adults in the house. The kids will eat them all up leaving you with the hotdogs and potato chips.
9. To get your kids to get more exercise, get them dressed to go to church first. While you get dressed, they will run outside and play as hard as they can so until they are sweaty, their clothes are ripped and they stink to high heaven.
10. Finally, if you want your kids to sit down at the table, just try playing a board game too complicated for kids with YOUR friends. Your kids will be in your lap watching and sabotaging your every move.

Happy Friday Everyone!!!

Old School Perks

I LOVE technology. I really do. One of the reasons I write this blog is to enjoy using technology. HOWEVER, there really are some major perks to sticking with old school. Here are just a few of my favorites:

1. I have never had to call Amazon to fix the wireless connection for my paperback.
2. I’ve never had to reset my newspaper.
3. I don’t have to buy batteries for or recharge my magazines.
4. My hardbacks may be stiffer but not necessarily ruined if I drop them in the bathtub.
5. My phone book doesn’t show me 200 places by the same name in 20 different cities when I only need the local store.
6. I never worried about my landline emitting signals into my brain and causing cancer.
7. That same landline never used to beep and blink at me all night.
8. I never felt I needed to chase my three-year old down to get a book away from her (like I have with my kindle).
9. I never worried that my book was heating up too much while I was reading it.
10. The best perk about a good old fashion book is that I have NEVER had to wrestle my favorite novel away from my children so that I could read it!!!

All I need to know I learned from Spongebob!

1. BE ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!
2. Never give up!! (Not sure he’ll ever get his boating license.)
3. Be on-time.
4. Love your neighbors….even if they don’t love you.
5. Do your best at whatever you’re doing….even a fry-cook is important.
6. Take care of your equipment….that Spatula is your livelihood.
7. Be absolutely loyal to your friends.
8. Always look on the Brightside.
9. Be creative and even the most mundane tasks can be exciting.
10. And finally, when you dedicate yourself to something, do it completely and your rewards will be great!!!

So now that I’ve finished massage school…..”I’M READY!!!”
Let the fun begin!

You might be a mom if….

1. You find a pair of little girl panties in your purse.
2. You vacuum up lucky charms out of the master bedroom closet!!!???
3. Your house has been referred to as the “Land of Naked Barbies”.
4. Your last pedicure covered more of your toes than your toenails.
5. You look over and your husband’s toenails are a nice shade of pink. (LOVED THAT ONE!!)
6. A lock on the bathroom door is a fantastic gift from your husband.
7. You find grapes in your bed.
8. You haven’t seen the news in a week, but you know the dialogue to every SpongeBob, Superwhy and Barney episode ever made.
9. Your car stinks for a month because you can’t find the rotten fish stick that was stuffed into the back pocket of the drivers seat.
10. You feel like you are a servant to a 3 foot Diva!

You might be a mom if….

– One of your favorite gifts from your husband is a lock on the bathroom door.
– if you understand the statement, “If there’s NO BLOOD, I don’t want to hear it!”
– if one of your most feared sounds is silence.
– if horrific screams no longer phase you.
– if you look up at the clock and think…”When was the last time they went to the bathroom?”
– If you understand that a clean bottom is FAR more important than a cute hairdo.

Have a Great Day!!