“You’re doing this against my wishes!!”
That was the phrase I was told recently by someone very dear to me…. my HUSBAND. My first reaction was a FLASH of anger and then a feeling of defeat. How do you react to that? This is not the 1960’s. I do not have to do what my husband says! On the other hand, is it right to go against your life partner?
These are issues I imagine any married couple goes through. What I would like to do is just walk you through the process I took to make my decision so that others may be able to make their decisions a little easier.
What I had to do first was CALM DOWN! My anger was overwhelming and a million hateful things popped into my head. This is not a way to win an argument.
Then I had to SNAP OUT OF IT. As I stated earlier I felt defeated and ready to just give up what I wanted. However, giving up just creates resentment. Resentment is a BAD thing and needs to be avoided at all costs.
My next step was to really think things through. I asked myself several questions:
1. What did I really WANT and why?
2. Was what I wanted good for just me or would it also benefit my family?
3. Am I making this decision to be happy in the now or is this a long term goal that could create long term happiness?
Then the questions related to my husband:
1. Has he made this an ultimatum? Is this a “deal breaker”?
2. Will he retaliate? If so, how and can I handle that?
3. How will he be once I have attained my goal?
4. Is it possible this will also make him happy in the end?
5. AND most importantly, do I know what he would do if the shoe was on the other foot? (ABSOLUTELY!!)
Now, those closest to me may have some idea how I answered these questions, but my answers are not important. I am just excited I was able to come to a decision that I feel good about and that the process was logical, yet took my spouse into account.
I wanted to walk others through it to help them to remember….just because you are married does not mean you have to become someone else. Just because you’re married does not mean it is your duty to make your spouse happy with every move you make.
Try not to make decisions from a place of retaliation, resentment or pain. They will not be good ones. Be logical and think things through. Finally and possibly what is most important, PRAY! The answers will come.