Yeah, you heard me! Teaching and being a mom sucks. Every year it’s the same thing! I begin the year with a million great ideas. I may even have weeks, months or even a year’s worth of lesson plans to choose from. I’m great at collecting cool resources. I’m phenomenal at working with “hard” kids. Middle schoolers DON’T scare me. They crack me up. I LOVE my team! My colleagues are amazing and hilarious! We plan together. We eat together. We laugh together… and then…. it happens….every year.
Reality hits. We lose teachers. Class sizes increase while resources decrease. Rules and laws that are DRILLED into our skulls are ignored by the powers that be and evaluations are based on what sometimes turns out to be data completely unrelated to us.
Then there is the personal side. I might be able to ignore or overcome all of the above obstacles. I might even have a few weeks, where my lessons click, my kids engage and things flow along perfectly. I arrive home a bit tired, but still manage to go to the gym a couple days a week. Then that ONE Friday comes when I arrive home and my back aches; the tell-tale sign that I’ve waited too long to take that bathroom break. My kidneys need some TLC. My daughter’s physical therapy appointments take over any extra time I had to go to the gym. My other daughter has performances coming up. I realize I haven’t checked HER backpack in a week. I’m sure by now there’s something growing in there.
The final little bit of internal motivation I have is destroyed as my allergies turn into months worth of sinus problems. I tell myself it’s ok to take days off no matter what the evaluation says, but then I sit down to get a sub. I put the information in the computer and wait. If I’ve waited too long, very often, no one picks up. If I put in too early, but don’t specify a sub….ANYONE picks up and let me tell you, that can be a VERY bad thing. Kids with the wrong subs will misbehave. Kids with the wrong subs can end up being suspended and many students fall behind because they haven’t been able to focus in a chaotic environment. (So there’s that.)
So what’s my point. Do I want this to just be a gripe fest? NO! I want this to be informational and hopefully motivational. I want this blog to be a place where people can come to see that you are NOT alone and the solutions are not to add to your already packed schedule, but rather learn that maybe some of the stresses we face are entirely self-imposed.
Look back at how I got to my breaking point. Teachers get transferred and class size increases. That’s an outside stress. My response is usually to be to be outraged and fight like mad. Fortunately though, that is not my job. Mine is to teach….no matter who or how many. If I just take a deep breath and keep trying…..it won’t necessarily be teacher of the year quality….but I’ll have less stress and keep my job. If powers that be ignore rules and laws….well, then at least I have an argument if they ever call me on something I am unable to accomplish with those scarce resources and overcrowded classes. That does not mean I am not trying or that I’m not an over-achiever in certain areas. It simply means, I have a union to fight for me. I do not need to take that all on.
What about those issues at home? Somehow, I have trained my family that I am the person to take my kids to everything 95-100% of the time. I did that to myself! Somehow I think I need to be at EVERY performance. Maybe I don’t. My parents weren’t at everything and I don’t even remember which things they missed or attended. It was nice to know they would come when they could, but not the end of the world when they couldn’t. It may even be an important lesson to teach my girls that the world does not actually REVOLVE around them. What?
My conclusion? I do actually want something better for myself and my family. I want a job I can control…..not one that controls me. I want to be able to take time to take care of my family and know my employer has my back. I need stability, insurance and retirement. I’d LOVE to have all of these things AND have the satisfaction I get from seeing a kid light up when they see me, or when they beg to stay in my class…..or come back and tell me what they learned….or bring me keepsakes related to content. At home, I need space and time for myself as well as the ability to let things go and realize that most issues are not as big a deal as I make it. How do I get that? This year I will do the one thing I don’t think I have ever done before, I’M GOING TO ASK. I will find that scenario or create it for myself.
To wrap up this first New Year’s post, I’d like to say to my teacher and parenting friends….ONLY FIVE MONTHS LEFT!!